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Pink and Blue Thoughts

October 19, 2006

Originally uploaded by timmyheather.

I suppose my title only makes sense if you’ve read Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. In that story, one of the characters, Necie, is known for thinking pink and blue thoughts,… an euphamism for happy or optimistic thoughts, I suppose. And for some reason the phrase is stuck in my head. I guess I’m very busy with pink and blue thoughts.

Gabe is doing okay,… last night I thought he was a bottomless pit,… he ate 4 ounces at once! Isn’t that alot for a baby with a stomach supposedly the size of a walnut? I may have to research that, but I’m going to speculate that his tummy is bigger:) This morning he barely ate anything, but I’m not going to start worrying yet. Heck, I’m just thankful he’s giving me a chance to catch up on feeding him, since I usually have to quick pump and feed,… and now I have an ounce and a half to offer as an appitizer!

How am I doing? I should say okay. Pink and blue demand that I say okay. It’s just too hard to come out anymore,… I’m tired, and constantly getting more tired. Last night I was so tired I thought I fed the baby when he was lying there waiting to get picked up,…. that’s kinda scary, since it really meant I was so tired I wasn’t really all “there”. And I don’t like that when I’m so responsible for someone.

I’m also sick. I keep getting a sore throat at night, which wakes me up frequently. My stomach incision seems to be getting puffier, but I’ve already had one needless trip to the emergency room and I’m going to wait until I’ve got a definite sign that something is wrong. Unfortunately pain isn’t a very valid sign, since I still find myself almost passing out if I get up too fast or turn the wrong way. I can tell I’m trying to baby those muscles, using my back muscles instead, because my back hurts all the time now. And the sucky thing is, I don’t even know how people could help. I can’t help but cry at how hopeless I feel right now, but I can’t think of a way to make it better. After all, Tim has a job and can’t take on mine too, and everyone else is hours away.

And no matter what, Gabe really is worth every ache and pain. He’s beautiful, and getting more and more “interactive” every day. His latest thing has been to wiggle and squirm until he’s touching as much of my skin as possible,… I just love holding him:)

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