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Healthy (and Knocking on Wood!)

November 1, 2006

I know I have to update my blog, since it has been much too long since I posted. I wish you could all picture me here as I struggle to type,… I’m sitting at the desk with a nursing pillow hugging my waist, and Gabe is sitting on the pillow cuddled against my chest. He is still the cutest baby I’ve ever seen (I might be a little prejudiced!) and now he hates to be anything but held by me. Which if you think about it makes it very hard to type. He’s also decided he doesn’t like big meals, but rather he prefers to eat an ounce every hour or so,… and since I’m the source of that ounce, I’m also rather tied up. Believe me, he is so worth every little annoyance!

Thursday Tim took me back to the doctor because of the infection in my incision. Now that I’m feeling better I can describe the horror of that situation,…. I was freezing all the time, I could barely walk any distance without passing out, I had no appetite and struggled to keep what I ate in my stomach. I felt worse than I did just after the surgery. Emotionally everything just felt so impossible and overwhelming,… I loved Gabe, but I could barely move enough to properly take care of him. I couldn’t stop crying. I had thought maybe I had post-partum depression, but after my first antibiotic shot that cleared up. My milk had slowed down dramatically, and my doctor told me I was “drying up” which really upset me because I know how good breastfeeding is for Gabe, but the antibiotics changed that, and Gabe has been exclusively nursed since then.

Things are not completely better,… I still have to change a bandage every time I go to the bathroom, and the recent green ooze has me a bit worried, although it fit right in with Halloween. Gabe has his one-month check up tomorrow, and I’ll talk to the doctor then about things,…. right now I’m most worried about the upper stomach/chest pains I’ve been having at night now,… I really really hope it’s something as petty as gas and not some further complication. I enjoy being a happy and healthy mommy, and I don’t want anything to interfere with that! It just seems ironic that pain keeps me up at night as much as Gabe does!

Everything is still a bit more work than I was prepared for,…. somehow I had not planned on being so sick for so long! Last night Tim held Gabe while I made supper and did the huge amount of dishes,… it exhausted me, but it felt good to do something normal for a change!

I hope you all had a happy halloween!

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