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As Young as I Think I Am?

March 13, 2007

I am an adult. That may seem like a fairly obvious fact to everyone around me, yet I’m slightly overwhelmed by that simple fact today. I guess it’s a shock because there’s always been a corner of my psyche that still thinks I’m a child. That childishness is the part that insists my Mom looks down at me, when in actuality I’m several inches taller than she is. I also blame that part of myself for my love of zoos, amusement parks and video games.

 I can’t remember the moment that I transitioned from child to adult. The rational part of me knows that growing up is a process and not an event, but tell that to the part of me that just realized my desire for a colorful pair of Jelly Shoes is grossly misplaced. I rolled up my jeans last summer because I kept tripping on them, and without even thinking about it I put that *special* twist in it. Nintendo’s Duck Hunt is still the best game ever, just because I was better at it than the boys. Just a week ago I had the overwhelming desire to jump rope, but couldn’t find one long enough. Every now and then I miss the games I played with the cousins who lived just across the road, and I’m tempted to put another cardboard “mailbox” at the end of their driveway, just to see if they miss them too. I’m also guessing that enjoying a Blue Moon ice cream cone will be a part of me for the rest of my life (It’s blue! and yummy! and cold!), although the adult in me will be aware of the calories in each lick!

I can’t wait to take Gabe out and roll him around in a wagon, or splash in a swimming pool, or blow away dandelion fuzzies. Not just because I want to introduce Gabe to these things, but because I want to do them too. I buy Gabe cute toys that I can’t wait to play with – I mean that I can’t wait for HIM to play with. I’m looking forward to those inevitable childhood summers when Gabe’s legs are bruised, his knees are scabbed over, his skin smells like sunshine and fresh air and playing catch and tag and hide-and-seek are the Best! Games! Ever!

I know I’m grown up and a mother, but I still feel surprise when I look at my hands and see the hands of MY mother. When Gabe puts his hand in mine, I see the hands from my memory, only they’re on him rather than me. Somehow I missed realizing that my hands grew up with the rest of me. Or maybe I just missed the fact that I really did grow up.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. March 14, 2007 9:01 pm

    it’s difficult, almost painful, when you realize that high school wasn’t last year, and yes, it was 20 years ago that milli vanilli was hot. (sorry, I don’t reckon you’re quite as old as I). now I understand why the grandparents get upset at getting older. it’s not the age as much as the years left behind.

    and I always thought having kids gave me an excuse to go into toys ‘r us and play. kinda like being pregnant gives you the excuse to eat more. hmm…maybe that’s why I gained 50 pounds with each young’un…

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