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Are You There God? It’s Me, Heather.

March 29, 2007

One of the hardest things I have to deal with as a human being is my lack of control over my life and the lives of my loved ones. I lie in bed and find myself begging God to keep my loved ones healthy, because when it comes down to it, I can’t stop sickness and illness. I make sure to encourage Tim to drive carefully, because I can’t make every driver on the road safe. I check on Gabe every time he’s sleeping, because I can’t control his breathing. I want people to like me, even though I can’t force anybody to be my friend.

As a student of psychology, I’m very painfully aware that the sense of “control” we have in our lives is often an illusion. We need to have predictability in our lives, and so we create a sense of control out of randomness. This is evident in the “blame the victim” fallacy (…s/he must have done something that caused that bad thing to happen to her…) and other similar ideas (…good things happen to good people; bad things happen to bad people…).

And yet? Life carries with it a curious sense of humor, and a vast amount of unpredictability, and today life struck again. Something that seems completely unfair and undeserved happened to someone I care about today, and we didn’t see it coming. And I find myself ranting and raving at the unfairness of it all, because when it comes down to it, that lack of control sucks.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 30, 2007 6:50 am

    heather, I’m so sorry. if you need to rant by email, you know where to find me. *big hug*

  2. Timmy permalink
    March 30, 2007 10:25 am

    I love you. 🙂

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