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Newton’s Third Law*, Served Family Style

August 9, 2007

I have not blogged (other than my quick cheat earlier today) in almost a week, mostly because I wasn’t sure how to write about the goings on in my corner of the world here. I’m still not exactly sure what I’m gonna say, but I figure I won’t be able to write about basic, baby-centric life without somehow clearing my mind, and that involves getting “it,” whatever “it” is, out. So anyway, on with the outing of the “it.”

On Sunday I packed up enough diapers and formula to last at least a week, several changes of clothes for Gabe, a Pack n’ Play, several toys and headed to my Mom’s house for a visit. Ironically, I forgot to pack my nightgown, my pillow, my blanket, and the only hair-tie that works in my 2+ feet long hair amidst all the baby stuff, but at least I remembered the camera. The camera I didn’t even turn on once. Sigh.

While my visit with mom and my brothers was certainly nice, the real purpose of my trip wasn’t quite as enjoyable. My dad was up to his usual shenanigans, and it really seemed obvious to me that he planned to use a certain situation to attack and hurt Mom at a meeting he was demanding. I know enough about my dad, not to mention enough on the subject of power in relationships and basic communication, to see a problem, and my Mom is far too decent a person to deserve the hate he spews in her direction. I wanted to keep the meeting fair, and I was too personally involved in the situation to just not get involved.

To make a very long, very drawn-out story short, I headed back to Timmy and Platteville on Monday evening after a meeting that didn’t involve any successful attacks on Mom, or anybody else for that matter. I can’t change the fact that my dad is poisoned by his hate, but I was very nice to him, while maintaining productive directions of conversation. I took some hits, but not anything that really matters to me. I am who I am, and I am loved, and I reject that road of bitterness.

What I’m thinking about now is that I’m not feeling angry with my dad, or even upset really. I feel sad for him instead. I truly believe that he can’t let go of the past because to do so would require letting go of his hate, and I don’t know if he even knows what existence without hate is like anymore. I saw my dad as a man who is prisoner of his own choices. And I’m thankful that I’m starting to let go of all the anger and bitterness that I’ve harbored towards him. I reject poison and choose happiness.

*Newton’s Third Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So much of the focus of the meeting was on the consequences of choices, and somehow this just seemed appropriate. Please forgive my mental processes if they’re confusing,… I just couldn’t think of this post with any other title.

One Comment leave one →
  1. August 12, 2007 3:01 pm

    good for you. what a sweet, concerned daughter you are to go to battle for your mama. and how smart you are to start letting go of the anger and bitterness. it’s funny how letting go leads to a happier existence.

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