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Pothead Puppets, or Why Children’s Programming Disturbs Me

September 10, 2007

I used to watch the morning news on CNN every morning, but since we’ve moved out of town, Tim and I have decided we can live without cable television. We don’t really watch much anyway, so it wasn’t that hard a decision to make. However, I am NOT(!) a morning person, so I still turn the tv on while I drink my coffee, only I watch Iowa Public Television’s children programs instead.

However, after several mornings of watching what kids watch, I’ve got some “grown-up” thoughts about what I’ve been seeing. Here, in no particular order, is what I think of some morning children’s programs.

Clifford the Big Red Dog: Although this show is really cute and teaches great moral lessons, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around a dog that is HUGE because of all the love the little girl gave him. Actually, I’d imagine there are a few pedophiles out there that wish they were a big red dog,…

 It’s a Big Big World: Despite the colorful environment and the constant reminders to “experience” the world around me, I just can’t help but focus on Snooks, the main, sloth-like puppet. I’ve seen people talk and act like him,… when they were baked! Somehow I’m gonna guess that Snooks really likes Mary Jane,… because nobody does a Keanu Reeves/old hippie impersonation better than he does.

Dragon Tales: Nothing quite explains the world of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, gender confusion and multiple personalities disorder like this show. Somehow a big dragon that is one half brother and one half sister with a solid dose of opposite-itis seems to be some of my psychology textbooks come to life.

I do actually enjoy the type of children’s programming on public television, and I think I’ve twisted the above shows just a little. Although that Snook character just seems beyond twisted,…

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