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New Year, New Resolutions to Feel Bad About

January 2, 2008

For the past several years, my New Year’s resolutions were always the same: I wanted to lose enough weight to like what I saw in the mirror, and I wanted to quit smoking. Ironically, those two things have turned out to be polar opposites, since quitting smoking also slowed my metabolism. I’m not horribly complaining, since hey, I can breathe, but it would be nice to breathe in a smaller pair of jeans.

This year I’ve got another resolution to take the place of quitting smoking: finally finish writing a book. I’ve had many great starts, but I’ve never really managed to soldier through to the very end,… and I really want to get somewhere with a writing career. In part I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m no J.K. Rowling, but I think I can be a great semi-obscure satirist – preferably with royalties and without stalkers.

So, if you think about it, my goal this year is to lose weight WHILE sitting on my butt in front of a computer. What are my chances?

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