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Nerves and… Nerves

August 3, 2009

In just a few days, I will have reached my official halfway point in this pregnancy. Thursday, to be exact, because that’s when BabyCenter sends me my 20-week “This is what your baby looks like” email. It doesn’t really feel like I’ve been pregnant that long, probably because I did my best to completely not think about anything pregnancy related the first 12 weeks in case I miscarried, and then Gabe decided to pack all his terrible two’s into a few weeks, and I haven’t had time to think about anything, let alone TWO kids.

But. My first ultrasound is coming up. With Gabe, I had a 12-week ultrasound, but this pregnancy has gone so well -knock on wood- that the doctor didn’t see any need. So, in a week, I’ll get the first peek at my little one. And it has me so nervous. I’m excited about seeing little fingers and little toes. Finding out if the baby is a boy or a girl feels kind of like I’m peeking at a Christmas present early, and I’m so excited about that, although I have absolutely no preference. But, I’m also nervous because I want everything to be perfect,.. I want this little one to be absolutely healthy and complete, and the first peek will confirm that, hopefully.

I just have normal jitters, I guess. During my first trimester, every bout of nausea was a blessing because it meant I was still pregnant,.. switching to maternity pants was thrilling because it showed evidence that those two little pink lines weren’t lying to me,.. I was trying not to think about being pregnant, but very conscious of it anyway. Now that I’m feeling better, I actually miss those daily reminders that yes, I’m still pregnant. Silly, I know.

And I really am doing fine. I have been feeling the baby move for far longer than most people would expect (11 weeks the first time) and I’ve heard the heartbeat – twice – and I’m getting excited. I couldn’t get enough Spicy Hot V8 for a few weeks, so I’ve already had my first freaky craving (thankfully, kraut juice-free this time).  I’m already thinking about Halloween coming up, because the sooner it gets here, the sooner Christmas will come, and the sooner I’ll be able to count fingers and toes and remember just how much poop a newborn can poop.

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